True confession…I’ve spent the vast majority of my life being a people pleaser. It’s never served me well, but nonetheless, I try really hard to please people who usually don’t care two hoots about my pleasing tendencies. Toxic relationships often show up for people pleasers.
Along with my propensity for perfectionism, trying to control outcomes, and people pleasing, life can be exhausting!
I have decided to once and for all abandon my people pleasing tendencies and try life another way. If my story helps one other person, then I’ve done my job here.
If I’m being really honest…I don’t like everyone. I mean, does anyone really like everyone? I totally get that we’re all in this together and I LOVE community, and I try hard every day to see the ‘love’ in everyone, but the simple truth is, I don’t like everyone. So there I said it.
Given this reality, the question is, “Why would I be a people pleaser?”
Well…this is tough to admit, but it has nothing to do with pleasing others. It has to do with being liked. I like to be liked…how about you?
I have finally reached the point in my life after years of deliberate personal growth, where I’m setting this whole people pleaser thing FREE! I’m sending it packing, but it’s not easy, because sometimes walking away is just really HARD.
I have a few very close relationships that do not serve me in much of any way. I’m the one who gives. I’m the one who apologizes (often if I haven’t done anything). I’m the one who reaches out. I’m the one asks if I can do anything to help.
I’m the one – always.
Seldom, if ever, do I get much back except negativity. Relationships like these are toxic and eventually you spend more time chasing your tail trying to make them work, than well…they’re worth.
Recently I had to emotionally walk away from one of these relationships and it’s still painfully difficult.To this person, I’ve loaned money and have never been repaid. (In fact I was told that I didn’t do enough!) I’ve given sky miles to help make a trip easier. I barely received a thank you. I’ve spent hours helping out in every possible way when it felt needed, only to learn from others, that I wasn’t really wanted. I feel like I’ve given and given and given, but the other day I called and shared some joyful news about my life, and I got annihilated with toxic comments.
The thing about toxicity is that it doesn’t stay in one place. It spews out everywhere and when given an opportunity to keep going, it can permeate every crevice of your happy soul.
Toxicity is to be avoided at all cost and I have to walk away from this long-time relationship no matter how hard it is, because I value me too much. I am finally placing value on who I am and not looking for approval outside of myself. I’m consciously avoiding toxicity. I’m dedicated to surrounding myself with a community of loving, honest, real, people who share mutual respect for one another.
I’m taking care of me so I can show up better for others. Sometimes you have to say, “no more.” Sometimes you have to dig deep and see that you’ve set yourself up for how you’ve been treated. (I hate that part.)
Sometimes you have to walk away.
Walking away takes courage. Walking away isn’t loud or mean. It’s a realization that you’re on a different path from someone else and that you’re choosing to surround yourself with a loving community who supports you no matter what. This doesn’t mean you seek Pollyanna-type friends. It means that you create the “family” that fills your soul.
Sometimes you have to walk away so you can walk towards your future.Sometimes you have to walk away so you can walk towards your future. Click To Tweet
Have you ever walked away from anyone? Share your experience below.